In this video, I will guide you through the comprehensive Quit by Healing Process, which aims to help you quit pornography and leverage this process as a catalyst for personal growth.
Let's begin with an overview of the main components of this process. I will cover each of these components in depth, providing you with valuable information and insights.
The process is structured into five main chapters, with the first chapter focusing on Breaking the Habit Loop.
Breaking the Habit Loop
Breaking the habit loop is the initial step towards quitting porn. It involves developing an awareness of the true costs and harmful effects associated with pornography. Many individuals who reach the point of wanting to quit their porn habit have already surpassed the majority, as they recognize:
"This is not beneficial for me."
"I am consuming it excessively."
This realization serves as a crucial starting point in the journey of overcoming the habit loop.
The True Cost of Porn
The gradual progression towards more extreme forms of pornography is a common observation among individuals. It's important to recognize that this shift can lead to discomfort, but often the full extent of the harm caused remains unnoticed.
Understanding the harmful effects of pornography is not only essential for awareness but also plays a significant role in breaking the habit loop. This connection is closely tied to how habits function in the brain, how the habit loop operates, and how addictive patterns, such as those associated with porn, develop.
By gaining a comprehensive understanding of the harms, you equip yourself with valuable insights that can aid in overcoming the addictive nature of porn and breaking free from its grip.
Accept The Quest
After recognizing the true cost of pornography, the next crucial step is to accept the quest ahead (watch this video).
It's important to understand that eliminating a harmful habit from your life won't bring about comprehensive change if everything else remains the same. This approach is unlikely to yield lasting results.
If your goal is to truly heal from porn addiction and not merely cope with it indefinitely, you must be prepared to make significant changes in various aspects of your life. Treating porn addiction as an isolated issue is insufficient.
It is closely intertwined with many other circumstances and aspects of your lifestyle. Resolving it completely requires an overall transformation and leveling up of your life. You must embrace this quest and accept that:
- Porn addiction is the dragon I am determined to slay.
- I must embark on a hero's journey to overcome it.
Two Parts of Porn Addiction
When examining porn addiction, we can identify two distinct parts that contribute to its complexity:
A - The mechanical part of the habit: This aspect refers to the established habit that has been reinforced to the point of addiction. Breaking this mechanical habit is one crucial component of overcoming porn addiction.
B - The underlying psychological part: Apart from the mechanical habit, there are often underlying psychological factors at play. Many individuals struggling with porn addiction also grapple with issues such as
- sexual shame
- performance anxiety
- negative dating experiences
- and self-worth issues.
These psychological aspects are intertwined with the addiction and must be addressed for a comprehensive resolution. It's important to note that attempting to solely eliminate the porn habit without addressing these underlying psychological factors will likely yield limited progress.
With a clear understanding of these components, we are now prepared to embark on the journey of breaking the habit and achieving freedom from porn addiction.
Break the Habit
Breaking the habit of porn addiction involves understanding the mechanics of habits and their impact on your brain and nervous system. Fortunately, this aspect is relatively straightforward.
While I acknowledge that some individuals may face significant challenges in this process, it's important to recognize that many people have been employing ineffective strategies. Often, there is a lack of understanding regarding how habits truly operate and how the brain is involved, leading to ineffective solutions.
By gaining knowledge about the habit loop (which I discuss in a separate video), you can strategically identify and interrupt your triggers. Breaking a habit loop is often easier than you might imagine.
To be more specific, our focus should be on altering the environment and introducing friction into the habitual process. This means making changes that create obstacles and make it more difficult to engage in the addictive behavior.
Change Your Environment
The influence of our environment on human behavior is more significant than we often realize. We tend to attribute our actions solely to personal choice, which can be a self-flattering belief. However, in reality, many of our decisions and actions are strongly influenced by the environment we find ourselves in.
Consider this hypothetical scenario: If you were suddenly placed in an environment completely devoid of pornography, your behavior would naturally align with that environment. You would adapt and act differently without consciously making alternative choices. This illustrates the power of environment change.
To facilitate quitting porn, it's essential to identify the triggers in your current environment. By removing those triggers or introducing obstacles and friction into the process, you create new steps and barriers that make it easier to break the habit. Changing your environment plays a crucial role in supporting the quitting process.
However, addressing the habit component alone is not sufficient. The next crucial step is to cultivate awareness.
Awareness
One characteristic of addiction is the diminished awareness that often accompanies it. You may have noticed this phenomenon firsthand: you enter autopilot mode, feeling as if you've lost control or are unsure of how you ended up engaging in the addictive behavior again. It can be challenging to recall the sequence of events that led to that point.
This lack of awareness occurs because your conscious brain essentially shuts down, allowing autopilot to take over.
To address this, it becomes crucial to cultivate and bring back awareness into your experience. By doing so, you regain control over your actions and thought processes.
Two Tools For Awareness
To prevent yourself from slipping into autopilot mode and to cultivate awareness, two valuable tools can be utilized: embodiment and introspective writing.
Embodiment Technique
The embodiment technique is a simple yet potent practice that involves tuning into the sensations present in your body. Here's a brief overview of how it works:
When you notice the urge or struggle arising, such as the strong desire to watch porn, pause and become aware of it.
Direct your attention to your body and explore where you feel the urge or discomfort. It could be a tightness in your chest, a knot in your stomach, tension in your shoulders, or any other physical sensation.
Take a moment to observe these sensations without judgment. Notice their intensity, location, and any other bodily sensations that may accompany them. Additionally, acknowledge any emotions that arise, such as anger, frustration, or hopelessness.
By tuning into these physical sensations and emotions, you bring heightened awareness to the present moment and your internal experiences. This practice deflates the intensity of these feelings and helps you gain clarity and control over your response to the urge.
The embodiment technique is a powerful tool for developing self-awareness and managing challenging emotions during the process of quitting porn addiction. With practice, you'll find it effective in defusing the intensity of urges and creating a greater sense of control.
Introspective Writing
Introspective writing is a powerful tool that allows you to externalize and explore your internal processes. Here's a brief overview of how it works:
When you feel the urge or struggle arising, instead of solely relying on mental resistance, grab a pen and paper or open a document on your computer.
Begin by writing about what you are experiencing in that moment. Explore your thoughts, emotions, and any physical sensations you may be aware of. Be honest and open with yourself.
Pose reflective questions to deepen your self-inquiry. For example, ask yourself what thoughts are running through your head, what this experience reminds you of, or any other relevant queries that help you dig deeper into your patterns and habits.
As you engage in introspective writing, you increase your awareness of the underlying processes and patterns at play. This heightened self-awareness weakens their hold over you and provides you with valuable insights into your triggers and tendencies.
By externalizing your internal experience through introspective writing, you gain clarity and understanding of your thought patterns, emotions, and behaviors. This process gradually reduces the power these patterns have over you, enabling you to develop greater control and make more conscious choices in your journey of overcoming porn addiction.
The Hero's Journey
The concept of the hero's journey plays a significant role in understanding and reframing your struggle during the quitting process. Here's an overview of its importance:
- Embracing the Struggle: Bringing awareness to your journey requires acknowledging and embracing the challenges and struggles that arise. Often, we seek quick and effortless solutions, but true growth and transformation require effort and perseverance. Recognize that encountering difficulties is a natural part of the hero's journey towards personal growth.
- Real Growth Takes Time: Growth is not about finding a quick fix or an instant solution. It's a gradual process that unfolds over time. Understanding this helps shift your perspective from seeking immediate results to embracing the journey itself. By recognizing that growth follows a pattern and requires commitment, you can approach your challenges with patience and determination.
- Reframing Struggles: Reframing your struggles as indicators of progress rather than signs of weakness or failure is crucial. Just as encountering enemies in a video game signifies progress and moving in the right direction, facing challenges on your journey signifies that you are on the path to personal growth and transformation. Embrace these difficulties as opportunities for learning and development.
- The Warrior's Attitude: Developing a warrior's attitude entails cultivating resilience, determination, and courage. It involves adopting a mindset that embraces challenges, learns from setbacks, and perseveres through difficulties. Cultivating a warrior's attitude empowers you to face the obstacles on your journey with strength and resilience.
By understanding the hero's journey and adopting a warrior's attitude, you can reframe your perception of struggles and approach them as opportunities for growth. This mindset shift enables you to navigate the quitting process with determination, resilience, and a sense of purpose.
Developing The Warrior's Attitude (Deeper Look)
Developing the Warrior's attitude involves embracing the challenges and struggles rather than avoiding them. It's a shift from resisting and fearing the difficult emotions and experiences to actively seeking them as part of your transformational journey. Here are some additional insights on developing the Warrior's attitude:
Embracing the Unpleasant: Instead of trying to avoid or escape from the discomfort and struggle of the quitting process, you consciously choose to face it head-on. You acknowledge that growth and transformation often come with temporary discomfort, and you're willing to endure it for the sake of your long-term well-being.
Welcoming the Process: Rather than resisting or resenting the difficulties, you adopt an open mindset that welcomes the challenges and sees them as opportunities for growth. You approach the process with enthusiasm and a willingness to learn and evolve, knowing that the journey itself holds immense value.
Tools for Cultivating the Warrior's Attitude: There are specific tools and practices that can aid in developing the Warrior's attitude. These may include mindset reframing, visualization exercises, affirmations, meditation, and seeking support from others who have gone through similar challenges. These tools help you shift your perspective, build resilience, and stay committed to your journey.
Easing the Path through Acceptance: Paradoxically, accepting and embracing the suffering and struggle actually makes the process easier. By acknowledging and fully experiencing the difficulties, you free yourself from resistance and find inner strength to navigate the journey more effectively. Embracing the challenges allows you to work through them rather than being held back by avoidance or denial.
Moving forward, the next crucial chapter delves into the importance of cultivating healthy dopamine levels in your life.
Healthy Dopamine
The next important component is about changing where you get your dopamine from.
Your Body Craves Healthy Dopamine
Your brain's addiction to porn is closely related to dopamine. Porn and other dopamine overstimulants put your brain on a dopamine rollercoaster, hijacking the natural and healthy process.
Merely eliminating the porn habit is not enough; you need to address the underlying drive and introduce healthy dopamine activities.
This is one of the ways in which the QuitByHealing Process is a bit different from other approaches to quitting porn that you might have seen.
This section explores why your body craves healthy dopamine and what it entails.
Understanding the dopamine addiction cycle and the distinction between "junk dopamine" (similar to junk food) and "whole dopamine" (similar to whole food) is crucial. This understanding sets the stage for the subsequent sections, emphasizing the importance of combat sports and weightlifting.
Lifting Weights
Lifting weights at the gym exemplifies healthy dopamine activities. It satisfies your craving for physical activity and provides numerous mental and physical benefits.
Accomplishing a workout and witnessing your progress over time can be addictive in a positive sense.
It becomes part of a healthy dopamine cycle, where the rewards from engaging in beneficial activities encourage further participation.
Combat Sports
Combat sports are especially valuable for men seeking healthy dopamine release and a sense of community.
Engaging in combat sports challenges your body, sharpens your mind, and allows you to acquire new skills.
It fosters a humbling experience and provides opportunities to learn from others, regardless of skill level. Combat sports help channel and process the natural drive and desire to make an impact on the world. Moreover, they offer a supportive environment for socializing and personal growth.
Cold Exposure and "No Go Training"
Cold exposure, particularly through activities like ice baths, is highly effective for training impulse control and the no-go circuit in the brain.
When you enter a cold bath, your body immediately signals discomfort and the urge to escape. By staying in and resisting the impulse to leave, you strengthen your ability to control your impulses.
This practice is beneficial for addiction control, as it teaches you to acknowledge and halt impulsive behaviors. Moreover, cold exposure promotes healthy dopamine release, further contributing to the healing process.
Skill Crucible & Challenging Projects
Engaging in a skill pursuit and taking on challenging projects is crucial for your personal growth and well-being. It is important to have something you are passionate about and actively working on to increase your competence and mastery. There are two primary reasons why this is significant in the context of quitting porn and achieving personal transformation.
Firstly, pursuing skills and challenging projects aligns with the natural inclination driven by dopamine. When you refrain from overstimulating the dopamine cycle with addictive behaviors like excessive porn consumption, you unlock its true purpose. Dopamine fuels your drive to excel, create, and make something meaningful out of yourself. Nurturing this drive is essential for your personal development and overall satisfaction.
Secondly, capability plays a significant role in how the world perceives and evaluates individuals. While it is true that every human being has intrinsic value and worth, society tends to judge individuals based on their abilities and accomplishments. This societal tendency is deeply ingrained in our biology. Moreover, self-judgment is influenced by our own assessment of our capabilities. When you engage in skill development and pursue challenging projects, you not only enhance your mental health but also bolster your self-perception. By actively participating in activities that showcase your capabilities, you break free from the self-reinforcing loop of porn addiction and its negative impact on mental well-being.
Engaging in active pursuits, learning new skills, and experiencing personal growth are among the most effective ways to improve your mental health and sense of capability. By immersing yourself in the world, you can break free from the grip of addiction and embrace a fulfilling and empowered life.
Now, let's delve into the internal aspects of the healing process, particularly the importance of shadow work.
Healing & Shadow Work
I split this into three categories here.
Relationship with the Self
The relationship with oneself is a crucial aspect to examine during the healing process. It involves assessing your level of self-acceptance and self-worth, which for many individuals are low. Negative and even abusive self-talk may dominate your internal dialogue, and you might struggle with deep-seated self-worth issues. This internal suffering often drives individuals to seek relief in activities like watching porn. Merely removing the porn habit is insufficient because the underlying pain stemming from a lack of self-acceptance and low self-worth remains unresolved.
To address these issues, it is essential to engage in introspective writing and shadow work exercises. These practices help cultivate self-acceptance and foster a healthier sense of self-worth. Additionally, exploring your values becomes integral in aligning your actions and behaviors with what truly matters to you, creating a sense of integrity.
By living in alignment with your values, you develop true confidence that stems from within. Superficial advice on how to appear confident, such as adjusting your posture or mimicking certain behaviors, only scratches the surface. True confidence arises when you are clear about your values and consistently live by them. This deep-rooted confidence is an internal state that emanates authenticity and self-assuredness.
Furthermore, building competence is a critical factor in fostering confidence and improving self-acceptance and self-worth. By actively developing your skills and achieving milestones, you establish a solid foundation and a track record of success. Over time, this builds self-assurance and dissolves issues related to self-worth and self-acceptance.
Cultivating a healthy relationship with oneself is essential for overcoming porn addiction and embarking on a transformative journey towards personal growth and fulfillment. It involves nurturing self-acceptance, fostering self-worth, aligning actions with values, and building competence.
In our next chapter, we will explore the relationship with masculinity.
Relationship with Masculinity
A significant number of individuals with a porn habit struggle with cultivating a positive relationship with their own masculinity and desires. To address this issue, we can engage in exercises that explore the roots of sexual shame through shadow work. This process involves delving into the shadow aspects of how you relate to sex, sexuality, and your own desires.
Unfortunately, many boys and men experience shame for their masculine urges and expressions, as well as their sexual desires. This external shame can be internalized, leading to feelings of inadequacy and a belief that there is something inherently wrong with their sexual desires or the desire for another person. In an attempt to suppress these feelings, individuals may turn to porn as an escape valve, seeking temporary relief from the negative associations they have developed.
By engaging in shadow work, specifically in the realm of sexuality, we can begin to address and resolve these issues. The ultimate goal is to embrace your masculinity and fully recognize the power it holds, rather than viewing it as something to be hidden or ashamed of. Instead, it is about becoming comfortable with your masculinity and recognizing it as a gift you can offer to the world. Others can then choose to accept or reject that gift.
Unfortunately, many men constantly face criticism and admonishment for their natural desires, as seen in societal messages like the Gillette ad that discourages approaching women. Instead, it is crucial to foster an environment that acknowledges and guides individuals in navigating their desires in a positive, respectful, and wholesome manner that avoids harm, aggression, or pestering.
Shaming individuals for their desires is counterproductive and can lead to the suppression of these feelings until they eventually explode or manifest in harmful ways. It is essential to teach men how to deal with their desires and provide them with the necessary tools to navigate them responsibly. The belief that shaming is necessary to prevent sexual harassment is misguided and ineffective.
It is worth noting that this struggle with masculinity and desires is a more recent and specific cultural challenge, particularly in Western societies. Other cultures have historically found effective solutions to address these issues. Therefore, it is a problem that can be resolved, as we have access to forgotten wisdom and strategies that have worked for millennia.
By actively exploring and embracing healthy masculinity and understanding the nature of desires, we can create a more balanced and fulfilling relationship with our own masculinity, sexuality, and the world around us.
Relationship with Femininity
Healing the relationship with femininity and women is an important aspect of personal growth. Many individuals who struggle with dating and relationships may turn to negative ideologies or harbor bitterness and resentment towards women. It's crucial to address and overcome these issues in order to develop a positive and healthy relationship with the feminine.
One common pitfall is projecting negative feelings onto all women due to past negative experiences with specific individuals. It's essential to recognize that not all women are the same and that generalizing negative experiences can hinder personal growth. Instead, focus on healing from those specific experiences and opening yourself up to the possibility of positive interactions with women.
One practical step towards healing the relationship with femininity is cultivating female friendships. Engaging in meaningful friendships with women can provide valuable insights and positive role models. It allows you to experience the positive, powerful, and beautiful aspects of femininity, helping to counterbalance any negative beliefs or attitudes.
Another way to explore the interplay between masculine and feminine energies is by learning to dance, particularly couple's dances. Dancing provides a practical and enjoyable way to understand and navigate the dynamics between the masculine and feminine energies. It allows you to develop physical touch and connection in a platonic, safe, and positive manner.
Engaging in introspective writing is also valuable for understanding and exploring your thoughts and beliefs about femininity and women. By bringing awareness to your emotions, experiences, and biases, you can uncover any underlying issues that may be affecting your relationship with femininity. This self-reflection process helps to promote personal growth and healing.
Overall, the goal is to heal your relationship with femininity and women by fostering positive interactions, challenging negative beliefs, and developing a deeper understanding of the dynamics between masculine and feminine energies. Through introspection and engaging in activities that promote healthy connections, you can cultivate a more positive and empowering perspective.
Integration
Losing Interest is better than Managing a Condition
Integration is the final phase of the Quit by Healing process, where all the previously addressed aspects come together to achieve the desired outcome of losing interest in porn. The ultimate goal is not to struggle with a porn addiction for the rest of your life, and it is important to emphasize that this outcome is 100% possible.
The process of integration involves bringing together all the pieces of healing that have been explored. It is about resolving the underlying issues that contribute to the addiction and creating a comprehensive solution. Integration is crucial because it moves beyond simply managing the condition or keeping the urges under control.
The true measure of healing is when you reach a point where porn no longer holds any appeal for you. It means that seeing explicit images or encountering pornographic content does not trigger you, and you can easily walk away without any interest. This complete disinterest is the result of addressing the root causes and fully resolving the components of the issue.
It is important to emphasize that settling for mere management or control of the urges is not the ultimate goal. Even if you have been clean for a significant period, true healing means reaching a point where porn is completely uninteresting to you. This level of healing signifies a complete transformation and resolution of the problem.
To achieve this level of disinterest, it is essential to integrate all the steps in the healing process. Each component, including understanding the brain's reward system, pursuing skill development, addressing self-acceptance and self-worth, healing the relationship with masculinity and femininity, and engaging in introspective writing and shadow work, contributes to the overall integration.
While the process may take time, it is a worthwhile endeavor because it leads to becoming a complete man. Integration allows you to overcome the grip of addiction, heal from the underlying issues, and embody a transformed state where porn holds no power over you.
Becoming the Complete Man
Becoming the complete man is a transformative journey that extends beyond overcoming a porn addiction. As you engage in the Quit by Healing process and work through the various steps, you will experience profound changes in how you show up in the world, how you perceive yourself, and how others perceive you.
This is the full overview of Quit by Healing. As you can see, it's not just about overcoming a porn addiction. It goes far beyond that. This journey is an opportunity for personal growth and transformation, and I've been through it myself.
By the time I reached this point, and even long before that, I realized that quitting porn is about much more than just breaking a habit. It's a chance to completely change the way you show up in the world, how you feel about yourself, and how others perceive you. It's truly life-altering.
I want you to understand the immense potential that lies within this process. Use your current struggle, your determination to overcome this destructive habit, as a catalyst for your personal evolution. Believe me when I say that the destination is worth every step of this journey.
Your growth and success matter to me. Together, we'll navigate this remarkable journey of self-discovery and transformation. Join me in becoming the complete man you are destined to be.