This exercise is about accepting the present moment as it is. Which seems simple, but the reality is that most people refuse to accept the present moment, most of the time.
Prompts
Inquiry & Acceptance is a writing exercise. I recommend using pen & paper and taking some distraction free time to do this. Then, answer the following prompts:
Part 1: Inquiry
With the following prompts, we dig into what is really going on around our addictive behavior.
1: Describe Your Addiction
Describe the details of your addictive habit.
- What do you do?
- How often do you typically do it?
- Where do you do it?
Create a detailed and objectively true description of the habit, without judgement or self criticism.
2: Express Your Feelings
In this second step, describe the emotions that go along with your addictive behavior, both positive and negative. Describe the feelings that drive you to the addictive behavior (e.g. restlessness, loneliness,...), the feeling the activity itself gives you (pleasure, relief,...) and how you feel about it afterwards (regret, shame,...).
Also take some time to write about the stories you tell yourself about your addiction (e.g. "I hate that I do this, I'm such a loser...").
3: Why These Feelings?
Next, ask yourself: why do these feelings come up?
Why do you feel anxious or lonely or otherwise driven to use porn?
Why does it seem to give you relief or quiet your mind?
Why do you feel shame or regret afterwards?
And why do you tell yourself the stories you do? Like: why do you tell yourself this behavior means you're a loser?
4: What Else?
Finally, ask the question: is there anything else?
And see if something else comes up that you want to express through writing.
Part 2: Acceptance
With all the writing so far, you've laid out the present reality. This is your behavior, these are your feelings about it, this is what's happening on a deeper level.
Now comes the acceptance part.
1: Accept the Present Truth
Write:
- "I accept that everything I wrote is true."
- "I accept that I have a porn addiction."
Then, turn your attention inwards and apply the Embodiment Method. How does it feel to acknowledge this? Do you feel any physical sensations? Do you feel resistance or tension? Do you feel your mind trying to resist this or come up with excuses?
2: Accept Your Present Feelings
Write:
- "I accept that this is how I feel about my addiction, right now."
- "I accept that this is how I feel about myself, right now."
Then, tune into your body again and see if any new thoughts, emotions or sensations arise.
3: Accept the Meta Feelings
While doing this exercise, you might feel resistance. Maybe part of you doesn't want to accept the fact that you have an addiction. Maybe part of you wants to just get up and go do something else (this is denial). Or maybe part of you loves this drama and wants to catastrophize everything, hitting you with floods of negative self talk.
Many people find that they resist the reality of their addiction or resist the idea of accepting things as they are. Or both!
Whatever happens, accept this too.
Write about: "what are my feelings about my feelings?"
And then also practice acceptance on this. I accept that I am resisting the truth. I accept that part of me doesn't want to accept myself...
Comments are closed.