Lesson 3 - Digging Deeper

The Skill of Digging Deeper

Welcome to the crown jewel of Introspective Writing. The process of Digging Deeper is one of unpacking what's behind the surface level thoughts, feelings and stories that come up as you write.

Note that this is a skill and it goes deep. Initially, you might struggle with this, but stick with it. The better you get at this, the more of a superpower this becomes.

Eventually, you'll be able to do it spontaneously, without even writing. You'll suddenly be able to see through your own and other people's emotional responses and it will be an amazing addition to your problem solving skills as well as your social skills.

4 Questions

To practice the skill of Digging Deeper, here are 4 questions you can ask yourself and then write your answer to:

Question 1: Why?

You can always ask "why" about almost any part. For example:

• Why do I feel this way?
• Why does this hurt so much?
• Why did I do/say X?
• Why do I tell myself this story?
• Why do I believe this?
• Why do I want to change this?
• Why don't I want to change this?

Question 2: What are possible reasons?

If you get stuck trying to answer "why" questions or you keep coming up with "I don't know", try this instead. Ask: "What are possible reasons?" or: "what could be a possible explanation for this?"

This question helps you let go of the mindset that there must be one right answer to a "why" question. It's not about finding the right answer, it's about exploring a space of possibilities.

This question is also great when you are writing about other people, for example: "Why did he/she say this thing to me?"

The truth is, you don't know why someone else did or didn't do something. But you can make some guesses and you can then examine those. It's very good to come up with multiple possible answers. 

When judging the behavior of others, thinking you know the one true reason why they do what they do is a surefire indicator that you're wrong and caught up in a story in your mind.

Question 3: What am I trying to avoid?

Useful variations of this question:

• What do I not want to consider?
• What do I not want to write or think about?
• What am I absolutely not allowed to believe about this?

This is a great question for uncovering your own resistance. For example, you might be stuck in a loop of victim mindset, always blaming others for your problems. If you find yourself writing a lot of angry accusations at others, it's a good moment to ask: what am I avoiding here?

And the answer may be: I'm avoiding the possibility that it's actually not other people's fault because then that would mean I actually have to do something to change and I really don't want to...

Question 4: How does this serve me?

This is a great question to ask about things you dislike. For example: I dislike my addictive behavior. I blame other people for my problems. I keep repeating the same mistakes...

Ask yourself: how does this serve me? Even though this is a "bad" thing that I apparently want to get rid of, does it actually serve me in some way? What benefits do I get from being a victim to this problem?

Another way to ask this: is there something I actually like about this?

This is another tool for digging into the deeper layers of what's going on.

Keep Practicing

In this little crash course, you've already gotten a set of powerful tools for writing, introspection, building awareness and solving your own problems.

Now, I encourage you to just try this out. Remember that it's a skill and it may feel awkward at first, but if you stick with it (I recommend writing daily), you'll keep getting better at it and keep getting greater benefits out of it.