Why Awareness?
The goal of the exercise in this lesson is to expand your awareness through writing.
Why does this matter?
My work with clients has shown me that awareness is the most powerful antidote to addiction. In fact, all addictive behavior stems from a state of low awareness.
Starting Point: Difficulties
The starting point for this exercise is any difficulty you struggle with in your life. This could be your porn addiction, it could be a specific instance of a recent relapse and it can also be other challenging things you experience, such as conflicts in a relationship.
The 3 Levels
Starting with a difficulty in your life, there are 3 levels we will explore through writing:
Level 1: What is Happening, Objectively?
Describe the difficulty, only mentioning what is objectively true. That means: no blaming, no criticizing, no interpretations, no feelings, no judgement.
Only describe what a neutral outside observer could see.
Level 2: How Do I Feel About This?
Next, describe your feelings about this whole situation. Do this in the style of a brain dump: write down everything that comes up without stopping or judging yourself.
Level 3: What Stories Do I Tell Myself About This?
This is where it gets really interesting. Most people will never make it to this level of awareness.
Start examining what stories you tell yourself about your situation and your feelings. For example: "I still use porn every day even though I've been trying to quit and that makes me a loser and a failure." ← that's a story you tell yourself.
It's neither an objective fact nor is it a feeling. It's literally a story, additional narrative, that you add to the situation in your mind.
And the goal here is to unpack as many of these stories as come up. Some examples of what came up for me, regarding porn addiction:
- "As a porn addict, I will never be able to get a girlfriend."
- "If I were a real man, I wouldn't struggle with this."
- "If anyone found out about my addiction, they would be shocked and horrified and wouldn't want anything to do with me anymore."
See if there are similar stories in your mind, too.
Follow-Up: Do I Really Believe This?
Going down these 3 levels is by itself a powerful exercise. It now also opens up a fascinating opportunity: you can ask yourself whether you actually believe these stories.
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